“All JSS 2 students, fall out. You—be in the middle. Everyone else, surround her and start hitting her.”
These were the words of the Assistant House Captain of Flying Horse House, Annex B, at Command Secondary School, Jos, over 20 years ago.
Already embarrassed, ashamed, lost, sad, confused, and now I was going to be beaten by my classmates, then I felt helpless and hopeless. “Could this get any worse?” I thought to myself. It was an inspection day at command Jos and for those who didn’t attend boarding school, it was a Saturday when school authorities came to inspect the living condition at the hostels. At the end of the day, the neatest and most tidy hostel will be awarded the winning price. My sister and I always dreaded those days, always.
To cut a very long story short, that faithful day, my house didn’t win and the assistant house captain saw me as an easy target to blame and before you ask, no, not because my uniform wasn’t clean and ironed, not because I hadn’t thoroughly done my share of tasks, not because I farted or did anything that scandalous or ridiculous. She blamed me because I had a tear on my sandals. (we used to call it “shaba” sandals then). After throwing all sorts of abuses, and bullying me without remorse, she instructed all my classmates to beat me thoroughly. Anyone who didn’t hit hard enough was dealt with to show the others how hard they needed to hit. I honestly can’t completely remember exactly what was going on in my mind at that point. Little did that senior Folake know that my original sandals had been way worse. It was so so bad that a classmate who I wasn’t even close to, took pity and gave me her extra pair of “shaba” sandals that was still very good except for the little tear on the side that I couldn’t afford to fix. If only she had asked she would have known that my sister and I had absolutely nothing as items that were given to us where stolen in the first week of our arrival to school cause they were not marked for identification. We had nothing to sleep on, eat or wear, we had no one we could call to replace them, so we suffered. We had no place to sleep so we would sleep in locker rooms. The rest of this part of the story is one for another day.
I was so thankful and grateful to my class mate, Berta, for being kind enough to save me from the embarrassment and shame of wearing a horrible pair of “basket” sandals especially for the inspection. Senior Folake didn’t know my story, didn’t care. However, I remember some girls beating me and crying but couldn’t do anything about it. Some witnesses were repulsed by what was happening but did nothing while some couldn’t even care less. When I had lost hope that help will come and I settled in my mind to be strong and take it, I honestly don’t remember crying but if I cried it wasn’t because of pain, trust me, my pain threshold both mentally and physically was very high, I must have cried because some of the girls were crying. While this was going on, a senior (Senior Otuto) from flying horse house Annex A walked in and was disgusted enough by what was going on to speak up in my defense, the assistant captain refused to listen, she was bent on punishing and making me a scape-goat. Senior Otuto left in a hurry and I thought to myself there goes my only hope. A few minutes later she walked in with the Head Girl, Tongluma, who was furious and broke off the whole beating scene. She yelled at the assistant house captain and then took me away to her room. They both went on to take my sister and I under their wings from that day on. And our lives changed. For the first time since we got into school, we belonged.
My sister and I who had nothing and I mean absolutely nothing, now had a wonderful place to sleep, we now had hot water to bath, now had seniors to protect us from the other bullies that the army boarding school system allowed to maximise their bullying to the fullest. We were given, uniforms, house wear and Sunday white. We, who had nothing and no one, how our story had changed…
The purpose of this post is in multiple folds. Firstly, it is dedicated to all young teenagers who are being or have been bullied, I encourage you to build an internal resistance in your heart and mind. You will overcome. Be strong and those days will be behind you.
I remember clearly that sticks and stones broke my bones, but contrary to the original quote, the hurtful and hateful words spoken broke my soul. Maybe because I didn’t know better not to let it, I was just a child in JSS 2 for God’s sake how could I have known. This and many other related events isolated me for as long as I could remember, my sister Layefa was my best friend and that was enough for me. All through secondary school I was socially awkward (still am by the way 😊), I became a lone ranger, never mingling with people but bold enough to be me even when people would mock and make fun of me. I simply didn’t care about the opinion of my peers about me. Thinking about it, I succeeded in being bully proof with my school mates/age group but with adults, especially those I respected, it was a different story, for another day. This leads me to my next plea.
Equally if not more importantly, I urge all adults to please be that ‘Tongluma’ and ‘Otuto’. Every child needs that. Fight for kids who can’t fight for themselves, reach out to that lost teenager in your neighbourhood, in your church or anywhere. Just a word of encouragement will go a long way. Just asking them about their story lets them know they are seen, that they are not invisible in this world, that they are not alone. One of my favourite quotes by Josh Shipp, “every kid is a caring adult away from being a success story”, aptly sums up the importance of adults reaching out to younger ones. Instead of misusing your position of influence over that kid, before you say an unkind word for whatever reason, find out the real situation of things. Find out what they are going through. Don’t body shame, bully or call any kid derogatory names. You should know and do better, because the truth is words do shatter the heart and break the soul, at least until the child realises that though it feels that way, the human soul is unbreakable, that we all are strong beyond our imagination and external expectation. Even when our heart and soul has been shattered and battered, by negativity and hurt, we can reconfigure our mindset to know that no one should and can have that much power over us unless we let them.
“Every kid is a caring adult away from being a success story”
JOSH SHIPP
Dear teens, once again I urge you to be strong, be confident, be courageous and guard your heart diligently by not allowing negativity both internal and external dwell there. Hope for the best and Be prepared for the worst. See the good and flee from the evil. Be prepared for haters, bullies and the insensitive ones (both adults and peers) because trust me, they exist. Believe in yourself enough not to allow other peoples negativity cramp your style. It’s ok to feel hurt, you are only human, just don’t stay that way long enough to start to believe those things about yourself cause if you do, you give the “hurter” too much power over you. Don’t bully each other, speak up for those who can’t do so for themselves. It is my prayer that you come out victorious and help others along the way.
Dear friends, in conclusion, be kind, be empathetic, be careful with your words and be generous with your love. Words are powerful and sometimes take a lifetime to heal the negative effects of its impact. Your words have the power to break or make a kids life. Words are powerful enough to make people suicidal, to want nothing more than to end it all. That’s how harmful the wrong words can be. Think long and hard the next time you feel like saying something mean to anyone. Remember, the situation or emotional state of a person, young or old will determine his reaction and the effects of your words to them. Let us all do better and be better.
With love,
Ebi ❤️
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